He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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