grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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