Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
