i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
