I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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