I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize