we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
the day after is always just damage control
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Pants are for mortals
Randomize
