fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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