Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
