this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
