U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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