yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
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