Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
