U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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