So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
