Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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