It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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