I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
