don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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