You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
