he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
