pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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