ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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