if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Everclear isn't food dammit
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
