so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'm passing your future prison.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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