I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
