Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Randomize
