If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
