I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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