and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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