Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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