we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
