I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I need a beard to bite.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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