My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
