So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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