I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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