To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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