That's intense
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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