You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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