hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
