I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
