he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Who died my cat blue again?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
