i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
