saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize