will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
