I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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