It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
