When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
