dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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