you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Randomize
