We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Randomize
