i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
