It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
