i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
