Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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