the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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