I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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