i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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