I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize