i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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