I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize