I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
