I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
