I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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