around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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