do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize
