Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
