I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
