What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
