ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
