You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
