elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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