i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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