It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
