my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
should my penis look like a turkey
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
